What I see, is what you get!

I’ve heard that saying, “Do what I say, not what I do” – but it just doesn’t fly when it comes to parents and kids. Long before we kids have a clue what our parents are saying to us, we are watching what you do, your facial expressions and body language, how you act in certain situations, and so on.

All parents want their kids to be polite and sweet and wonderful in every way all the time:) And we kids want you to be happy with us.

So it just figures that the easiest way to have kids who are polite and sweet and wonderful, is for the kids to grow up seeing their parents being like that. Parents who set a good example, are, well, setting a good example. Kids are copycats of whatever behavior they see while they’re growing up. Guess you could say: “what WE see, is what YOU get!”

May I suggest this, parents?

1) Over the next week or two, watch your kids’ behavior extra closely to see all the different ways your child mimics you. It will be enlightening, and probably humorous sometimes, too:)

2) Watch yourself, too. Are you doing what you want your kids to do? If you expect them to say “please”, are you? And what do you do when you goof up? Do you admit you made a mistake and say you’re sorry?

3) And don’t panic if you don’t like everything you see. Sometimes getting your kids’ behavior to change starts with your behavior changing.

We kids like to please you parents, but it sure is a lot easier when we can see you doing the same things you ask us to do. I should know – I’m a full-time kid

Got a question? Leave it as a comment here or email me at jg21things@bellsouth.net I’ll have an answer headed your way.

Learning To Make Decisions

My Dad’s the kind of parent who encourages me and my siblings to learn how to make good decisions. He realizes that each of us kids is different, with different personalities, different skills, etc. The other day he told me he’d realized that recently he had slipped back to treating me more like a child than a teenager-about-to-be-adult, and that we needed to do something about that right away. That’s one of the things I really appreciate about my Dad – when he makes a mistake, he says so.

But today’s post isn’t about making mistakes, it’s about making decisions.

Every child has to learn how to make good decisions or they’re not going to do very well in life. Look at the adults around you right now if you want to see proof. And decision making skills don’t just magically appear when a kid turns 18. It takes practice. It takes encouragement. It takes a safe environment. It takes trial and error, with regular feedback. It takes parents who are willing to gradually let kids learn to do things on their own.

Here are some of the best things parents can do to help their kids grow up to be good decision makers:

• Start early in life – whether it’s the pink ribbon or the blue one, we kids need lots of opportunities to express their choices. This motivates us to think for ourselves.

• Invite us kids into the process – “Jordan, I’m going to let you decide if you want to eat your green beans first, or your mashed potatoes.”

• Give guidelines and boundaries – I am not saying you parents should just turn your kids loose to do whatever they want. All kids need boundaries (I’m going to talk more about this next post). See the example above: the child wasn’t given the option of not eating the food, but did get to decide which item he would eat first.

• Talk about decisions – give us kids feedback, but don’t criticize us. A good review focuses on what worked and what didn’t. “Here’s what I really liked about that decision … here’s what you could do different next time”.

• The goal is independence – The sooner we kids learn to successfully make decisions in a certain area, the sooner we can be on our own in this area, regardless of our age. Whether it’s picking out the clothes to wear, or picking out the right friends or the right job, isn’t the real goal that they be able to do it on their own? It may tug at your heart, parents, but the sooner kids don’t need you, the better you’ve done, right?

So what happens when we kids learn to make good decisions? Obviously we will be more confident, and also more competent. We’ll make fewer dumb mistakes. We’ll have more common sense and be better grounded. From family to finances, we will have a much better chance of being successful in life.